blessed assurance

Love.

What is it? How do i know when it comes? How will i know when it's finally in my possession? I want to know what it is like to truly be loved to the point of death. I suppose that statement isn't necessarily the right thing to say. i want to know what it is like to be humanly loved to the point of death. I know that Christ loves me. Lately it's been a little bit hard to grasp. Not because I don't believe it, but because my own fears, doubts, desires and false emotions get in the way. I hadn't read my Bible in a while, and I finally picked it up today. I was beyond anxious about a certain issue, and after my last class i raced back to my room, opened it, somewhat against my will, and read over passages that dealt with the issue at hand. I tried my hardest to not allow my fear to get in the way. My heart was pounding, my breath quickened, my hands shaking. it was so indescribably refreshing, yet so real. Not saying that most things refreshing are never real, but usually something that refreshes us deals primarily with our emotions, and simply makes us feel good. This did indeed make me feel good, but that was merely a byproduct of having truth jump off the page into my mind, into my heart, into my life. And today in Choral Union when we sang those choruses, they meant so much more to me than notes on the page, more to me than just a 0-unit class im required to attend. those lyrics are amazingly deep, and now i'm excited about it (finally).

So back to love.

Fear has been the reigning "emotion" in my life as of late. And today I read passages about how love and fear cannot abide together. love drives out fear. fear has to do with punishment, and love does not. so the solution to my problem?

Love.

love love love.

and not that cheap stuff. I'm talking about service, spending time with people, sacrifice, and honesty. This is going to be an unbelievable year.

Into Thy hands I commit my spirit.