stages

Recently there have been changes in my life. Namely, i moved to NORCO. I am currently living at my Uncle and Aunt's house with my cousin Sarah and a friend of the family, Jill (who might as well be a cousin), while my Uncle and Aunt are away for the summer. Even though i see goats, horses and chickens on a daily basis, and there are no sidewalks, only dirt trails, it's a nice change from the suburban, though ever-convenient, life in Corona. This may sound odd, but something about the scent of distant manure comforts me.

Anyways, over the years as I have transitioned and transitioned from mountains to city to suburbia to horse-town, from school to employment, and from roommate to roommate (i have had over 15 different roommates since i graduated high school), i have realized that i, too often, depend on a change in location to trigger other changes I am otherwise too hesitant to make on my own. it's that whole "the grass is greener over there" mindset that manipulates me into believing that if i am ever unhappy, ever down and out, ever dissatisfied with who I am, i am fully allowed to blame it on where i live or where i work. and i am realizing, as i see those same dissatisfactions somehow travel with me wherever i go, that it's not about where I am or who im with, but rather who i choose to be.

On a slightly different note (perhaps a quarter-tone, like they have in Indian music), i've been learning heaps and piles about my personality, and the four main personalities, in general. i'm realizing that the reason why i find comfort in making lists, and why i have to restart a list or letter if i make any mistake, why i feel sorry for inanimate objects, like cars and stuffed animals and couches (i seriously wish i was kidding. i think i was traumatized as a child after reading "Goodnight Moon" one too many times) and why i find refuge in books and stories and movies, and why i don't find dancing in public enjoyable whatsoever . . . is because i am a Mel-Phleg. There. I said. Plain as day. I am Melancholy and I am a dash of Phlegmatic. But mostly i am a full-blown Melancholy. i can't tell you, whoever YOU is, how helpful it has been not just in my character, but in understanding other people, especially my students. finally those traits i originally viewed as weaknesses or annoyances, are now clearly undeveloped strengths. children are so fascinating. they are so honest (except for when they don't practice). they are unashamed of their needs and their emotional responses to situations. ah, kids. those little refreshments. p.s. the book i am reading about personalities is called "Wired That Way" and i thinks its by a lady named Marita something or other.

i need to go to sleep, because in the morning i am having a garage sale.